If there is one thing that all human beings know, it’s that relationships are not easy. It’s not easy to spot all of the red flags when you get started with someone new, and it’s not going to be you who first spots the toxicity going on around you. It sounds sad, but when you are in it, it’s so much harder to see anything wrong. You won’t know that it’s time to call it quits until it’s too late and everyone else in your life has already seen it! You know the analogy about a frog in boiling water? Well, the frog would hop out of the scalding temperatures – just like you would – and yet the frog would sit and boil slowly if they were put in cold water to start with. Just as you are in your relationship.
It may not be easy to spot the toxicity happening, and you might not know that you are stuck in a cycle. It makes it so much harder to be okay with divorcing a narcissist because you don’t know that they’re a narcissist. So, you can see how complicated this can all get! Love is a very powerful emotion and when you’re in it, the person you’ve poured your time and effort into is everything you want and more. You don’t see the things that are wrong because they often happen so gradually in the relationship that you wouldn’t see any of the red flags coming. We’ve all dated someone that we look back on and wonder what on earth we were thinking. The problems arise when you have married that person and you’re now trapped in a marriage – which is often far harder to get out of. The keyword here is that it’s harder, but it’s not impossible – you can get out.
The thing is, you need to know how to get out and you need to know when you should do it. You want to hold onto your relationship no matter the cost, especially if you’ve poured years of your life into it. But let me ask you this: would you keep adding money into a stock market option if you weren’t getting back what you expected? Nope – you’d stop adding money to it. Convert money to time and you can see the point that you have to stop giving your time to a situation that isn’t getting better. You have already stayed far too long and made the best of the situation. You’ve done your best to hope that things are going to improve and you’ve tried repeatedly to get it right. You now need to see that it’s time to end this relationship, and below, we’ve put together ten signs that now is the time to call it quits.
There’s Physical Abuse – Yes, Even Once!
The moment someone you love raises a hand to you and hurts you is the moment you should be packing your bags. The problem is that it’s so much more complex than that. Your partner is going to gaslight the hell out of this situation if it happens, and they may even convince you that it’s your fault. It doesn’t matter if it’s the first ever time or the tenth time, you need to know that it’s not okay and you need to walk away from this situation. Figure out the local shelter options and support lines in your area and make sure that you avoid a future of heartache. If you feel unsafe just going on your own, find the help and ask for it.
Your Relationship Isn’t Equal
When you choose to marry someone, it’s supposed to be an equal relationship. You’re supposed to give to each other and take from each other, and you should be able to do that so you’re both equally full. No one should be taking, taking, taking from the other and giving nothing back – that’s not a partnership. You should be raising kids together. You should be cleaning the house together. You have to manage the money together. You see, it’s all about being valued as an equal partner and that’s not easy to do when you’re not together and doing it as a pair. Your relationship is doomed if it’s very one-sided, with one of you not giving to the other.
You Just Don’t Communicate
Communication is the center of every strong relationship and if you’re not communicating, you’re going to quickly see the fractures in your relationship. You have to both be comfortable about talking through the tough topics as much as you are about the good things in life. When you find yourself responding with “fine” every time you’re asked if you’re okay – even when you’re not – there’s a problem. The person you married is someone that you should be able to talk to. It’s clear that this is the time to end the relationship if you are spending more time avoiding communicating than actually doing it.
There Is Addiction In The Mix
Alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, work – you name it, you can be addicted to it. When addiction is in the mix of the relationship, you will feel as if your relationship is infected. Whichever one of you is currently dealing with addiction may not be willing to stop the behavior, and that’s when you can tell that the relationship is done for. If you are with a partner who refuses to get help for their addiction, you will need to know when to draw the line with the relationship. Walking away is often the healthier thing to do for the relationship in general, but you have to know when walking away is the right thing for you.
Deceit On Repeat
Something bad happens, they apologize and promise change, change doesn’t happen, rinse and repeat. Over and over again the patterns of deceit keep occurring and whether it’s lying, cheating or an emotional affair, deceit is a killer for relationships. Everyone makes mistakes and when a pattern is starting to emerge, you need to stop questioning this relationship and get out of it – run, screaming from it if you must!
You Feel Differently
It’s a good reason to leave a relationship, isn’t it? We grow and evolve as people, and we’re individuals who have thoughts and feelings that change and mature. Sometimes, your growth patterns don’t go together, and you grow apart instead of coming together as you should have. If you find that you are feeling less romantic toward your partner, then the best thing that you can do is to walk away while you can.
You No Longer Respect Each Other
It’s easy to see when this one disappears! You should mutually respect each other even when you disagree on certain points, but you need to communicate about this when this happens. You should respond to each other with love and understanding so that you are feeling secure and happy together, and if the respect is lacking, you need to call it quits. No one should feel disrespected in their relationship.
You Just Don’t Care
When there is an absence of emotion in how you speak to your partner, and you can’t feel anything towards them, it may be time to run for the hills. What relationship is based on convenience? A bad one. Don’t make your relationship convenient – make it emotional.
It’s Drama, Drama, Drama
If there is a crisis you are supposed to help each other through it. When there is excess drama in a relationship, it’s exhausting. Don’t stick around for too much of that; make sure this relationship makes you feel good.
It’s Taking All Your Effort
You should feel seamless and effortless together. If your relationship requires too much effort, you may have already given up.
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