To understand me I guess you need to know a little bit about my mom. My mom was a stay at home mother of 3, and loved it! I have 2 older brothers, so I was the baby and the princess of the house. My mom was the typical housewife of the 70’s and 80’s, while my dad worked two jobs. Our house was clean, meals were planned and prepared, she stuck to a budget, and we always had nice clothes to wear. She vacuumed, did laundry, watched soap operas, and had a snack waiting for us when we got home from school. A home cooked meal was ready and on the table by 5:00. Some might say I had a perfect childhood, and well I would have to agree.
My mom loved being a stay at home mom, we were her love, work, and world. So imagine my surprise when I became a mother and I hated it! I am blessed with a husband that makes enough money financially so I CAN be a stay at home mom, but I want to do anything but! I cannot get out of my house fast enough! Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t like being a mom, because I do, but in about 3 hour blocks. I do not plan meals and I can barely cook, my laundry baskets are always overflowing, and well, dirty dishes sit in the sink for days. I did try to accept my job as a stay at home mom of two, but it never seemed to last more than 2 days. Staying at home sounds sooo easy, but it is very difficult for me, so I felt like a failure and worse a bad mom. I was comparing myself to what my mom did 30 years ago and well, being a mom today is very different from 1977. I am not a bad mom, I am a GREAT mom just doing it my own way. I have however failed, and it’s okay! You must fail in order to succeed!
Please tell me about your mom by replying below.
Andrea Fellman
Comments
My mom had 8 kids, homeschooled us all, and mangaged to do all of this with my dad gone for 24 hours at a time(He was a firefighter). I have no idea how she did it, and you can imagine my guilt when I feel like my 3 kids overwhelm me. I had to come to the conclusion that everybody is different and while I might not be cut out for having a large family, I am strong in other areas. Still, I have to admit, my mom IS a saint. 🙂
Thanks for being so candid. I had/have the exact same experience with being a mom. I need something else besides staying home with my kids (as much as I love them!). That’s why I’ve started my own business. No wonder you wanted to start this blog!
Sometimes I get overwhelmed too! But I am just the opposite, I would love to stay at home. I work a very odd job. Odd meaning the hours I work. It makes it hard to do things with my kids. I started my own business so that I can eventually stay at home. I have 4 boys. The oldest is 17 and the youngest is 2. All of them would be in school except for my youngest, so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed quite so often!!!! 😀
Thanks for your story and your blog! I love it!!!
My mother had two children and worked as a teacher. I had always wished she stayed home and was waiting with cookies for me to come home from schoool.
I’ve done both with my kids…worked and stayed home. We try to do what works best for our family at the current time.
-FringeGirl
I have 3 teenagers and a 6 year old. I worked in the corporate world where I had to feel guilty about leaving work to take a sick child to a Dr. appt. Then I worked my way up to the point where they needed me so much I could work at home. I did that for some time until a new boss came who was such a contol freak, childless and could not handle not watching every employee’s every move. She took the joy out of ‘work’. So I have tried the gamut. I am not working now with my 6 year old and I think that it is the most difficult job there is. Partly because it perhaps isn’t very gratifying to clean the house only to have the three teenagers trash the kitchen again two seconds later, or cook for 2 hours only to have them sit down, gobble it down and bolt. Face it, when your main challenge is finding the matching sock, sometimes you wish you were staring down the boss lady with the other agenda. I love your blog. My mom was perfect too, still is. I thank God for her every day and I ask Him for her patience.
My mum is just like your mum that you described. But for me, I have to work outside because hubby’s salary is not sufficient. For the moment, hubby, myself and my toddler stays in my hubby’s parents’ house (i.e., together with the in-laws) and my mother-in-law does all the laundry, ironing, cooking, etc. Hubby and I have already bought our own house, furnished it already but I’m still not ready to move out becos my toddler demands a lot of my attention (he can’t play by himself, needs me to attend to him all the time!) That’s why I still need MIL to ‘help me out’. But I know once we move out, I have to settle almost all things myself and thinking of it kind of overwhelms me! But I know I still have to face it one day…but I’ll wait till the day when my toddler is bigger and not so ‘demanding’, then we will move to our own home. That will take probably about 2 years’ time.
You aren’t a failure!! Everyone is different hun! I hate seeing women beat themselves up about not being able to do everything, it’s ok… Enjoy your life, don’t let it pass you by 🙂 I have to sometimes remember “I’m too blessed to be stressed” !! 🙂
happy SITS day!
My mum was very much like yours. The typical stay at home mum of the 70’s and 80’s. Although, looking back, I get the impression that it didn’t really make her happy either.
I am sooo not cut out to be a mum. I’m a childless part-time stepmum and, even though we only have the sprogs at weekends, it drives me nuts! I’m not designed for domestic drudgery. I’m so glad I can work during the week – need my own independence, money and adult conversation!
Have you thought about returning to work? Many women do and I don’t pay any heed to the morons who make you feel guilty for it. It’s 2009 and you have a right to your own happiness as well as that of your family.
Tell me to butt out if you like, but I get the impression you’re feeling a little trapped and need to spread your wings and achieve your full potential. Just an idea.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Lots of love.
LBM xxxx
I am a SAHM, too. I have tried working part time jobs, but it has just never quite worked out. Being home all day is hard and lonely. I am not good with the housework like my mother was. I thought it would be easy. It’s anything but.
Hiya from SITS, and first off – congrats on being the FB! 🙂
I hear ya – my mom’s a full time housewife and she LOVED it. All the cooking and the cleaning and the taking care of FOUR daughters. Me? I’m slumped over with just 1 boy. *blush* 😉
My mum has two kids (me and my brother) and she worked as a nurse. Weekends mainly when we were little and dad looked after us. I don’t remember this but when I was a baby she had to go back to work and finish her midwifery course and work a few days too. She said she would cry when she left me with her mum or my dad. I was a 1976 baby. They were young and starting out.
I am nearky 33 and have a 3-year-old and a newborn. I am on maternity leave for 8 months now but I work. I do three days a week as a journalist on a newspaper and my daughter goes to daycare, which she loves and we love the centre. My baby will start there when she is 8 months old. I have some guilt about being a working mum but that’s the reality. We have a mortgage and I love my job too. I grew up with a mum who worked and I want my girls to see that you can try and get a balance as best you can. It’d important to keep your hand in your career too.
My mom took in 3 foster children plus me. She stayed at home like yours did. We all helped with chores around the house but mom did all the cooking. She gave my foster brother extra help with his math, tutoring him one summer so he didn’t have to go to summer school. She also joined a morning bowling league, was active at church teaching Sunday School, singing in the choir and helping with the youth group. She also joined mother singers at our school when we were in Junior High and loved it. She became President of her TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) club. We were very close and had a great relationship even through my teen years. Yes, she watched soap operas and got me hooked on one too. She also loved reading and did a lot of it. She took us to the library hoping we would become avid readers as well, which eventually I did but by then, she had already gone home to be with the Lord. I miss her so much.
Visiting from SITS.
That’s my dream job…to be a stay at home mom.
I so appreciate your honesty. My mom was a stay at home mom. She was a good mom but not perfect. And I thank her for that. I think it’s important for children to know we’re not perfect. Then it’s not a shock when they find out the truth, which they eventually will:). We all have our own style, just like in the “work” world. I think if we stay true to who we are and try to do the best that we can, everything works out and feels right. 🙂
It sounds like we had a very similar childhood. I love being a stay at home mom, but sometimes it is extremely difficult and it does make me feel a lot better knowing that I am not the only one who doesn’t enjoy it 24/7! Thank you for your honesty! I saw you featured on SITS and am very glad I stopped by!
My mom sounds a lot like your mom. I, too, was blessed to have a wonderful childhood. I am also a SAHM, to four kids. While I love it, I wouldn’t say I live up to the standars that my mom had – my house could always be a little cleaner, I could cook a little more, etc. But, I do love staying at home, and think I do a pretty ok job. Now, because of financial reasons, I’m finding that I “need” to return to work (I am a nurse but haven’t worked for over 10 years). I feel so selfish, but, I dread the thought of returning to work. My kids are old enough that they will be fine without me one or two nights a week, but, still, it kills me to think of not being here. I guess we all have our struggles to deal with. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m over from SITS.
My great grandmother had 13 children, lived on a farm, killed the animals and then cooked them…do you REALLY think I compare myself to her? NEVER compare yourself to anyone. YOU are YOU. Everything that makes up you is unique. Find your own road and follow it. We can not be what anyone thinks we should be…we can only be ourselves.
When my girls were little I felt pretty much the same way as you do. I wanted to be a stay home mom, but I felt overwhelmed and stressed. What helped me was having a few other stay home moms in my neighborhood with children approximately the same age. We would get together several times a week at the park, the coffee shop, the McDonald’s playland or at each others’ homes. I also had a few nights out every month. I formed a Bunco (a dice game) group and I joined a Woman’s Group and a book club. And once a year I went on a weekend getaway with a girlfriend. Nowhere exotic, just to a little town in the mountains about 2 hours from home. I really needed to have these “breaks” to keep my sanity.
I too stay at home and much like your mother (minus the soap operas :D) it is my love and work all rolled up into one. I love it. My mom stayed home and was ALWAYS on the go. Great post. I think a good mom is a good mom SAH or not.
My mom was a hard worker with the help of dad. They both worked outside of the home and then started in the hotel business so they were both home all the time. But no time to spend as a family, so I am a mom who works outside of the home. I tried staying home, I was going bonkers – I need the social interaction. Me and my husband are in a role reversal which works for us – he’s a SAHD and I work. It all works!!
Wow…great post. My mom stayed home until all 3 of us were in school, and then went back to work. Now has a lot of built up resentment about it, every time I mention wanting to stay home with my son, she goes off about it. I would really like to be able to stay home with my son. I feel like I am being cheated of time with him, by the time I get home from work, feed him dinner, we have about 30-45 minutes to play, and then the “I’m tired” tantrums start.
My mom didn’t stay home with us and she is liberated, blah blah. I love staying home with my kids, although sometimes I need a break. It’s not easy, life never is. Right? But I can’t stand the thought of someone else being with my kids all day; makes me cry….just like the baby’s doing now haha.
My mom was a single mother of 4. She did little jobs when she could, but we always had our meals taken care of. Since I was the oldest, I ended up playing second mother, like taking care of baths and homework.
Coming over from SITS. My Mom worked full-time to provide for us. My Dad did too, but it took both of their incomes. I basically raised myself (sad but true). My sister often cooked our suppers. I can’t imagine having my Mom at home when I got off of the bus.
I am blessed to be able to stay home with our daughter. I have enjoyed every second. I worked in offices before our daughter was born, and I choose this any day. I am not a “business” type of gal. I adore being home with my baby who is turning FOUR on Monday! Preschool is starting. Sniff, sniff.
Isn’t this interesting. I am living the exact opposite. My mom was a career woman who worked 50-60 hours a week outside the home. We never had a schedule growing up. I communicated with my mother over the telephone more then face to face. I was blessed to have everything I needed and most of what I wanted. We went on vacations and spent money on take out. I on the other hand wanted her to be home more. I wanted her to volunteer at the school and be with me when I wasn’t feeling well. I am now the stay at home mommy to 3 (almost 4) boys and while we sometimes struggle I wouldn’t change a thing. Is it that we always thing that the grass is greener elsewhere? Any way thanks for this post that has gotten my mind working so early in the AM. BTW I am a first time visitor from SITS on you featured blogger day.
My mom is pretty amazing. She really gets on my nerves, I’ll admit. (I’m only 18 and still at home) We clash a lot about a lot of stuff. But she’s still my mommy and she does a great job. She’s a stay-at-home mom, and the 5 of us are her life work. (kind of!) =D She’s homeschooled all of us–I just graduated, and my 5 year old sis is just starting out. I may not always act like it, but I love her dearly!
Thanks for sharing, and Happy SITS Day! =)
I only ever remember my mom going to school and then working as a nurse. She had to work nights for the first couple years. I get to be a SAHM right now, but I often think of going back to work…..
I can relate to that! I’ve been a stay at home for 7 years now and I’m ready to do something else… something for ME. Selfish? Probably. But I’m doing it anyway.
My mom was a SAHM, too. When I was around 5 she started working part-time. When I was around 9, she went back to school and got her degree. She started working full-time when I was in junior high (grade 8 or 9). She continued to work on her degree part-time while working full-time. She worked really hard and she’s very successful. I think she’s a total rock star!
My mom found a balance of corporate work and being a mom…she is very disciplined and kept to a schedule and luckily had a job and a boss that allowed her to stick to it. She likes to work and she likes being a mom so she found the magic blend for herself.
I’m taking her advice and finding my own blend.
Your blog is great because it gets people thinking…rather than just responding with one-liners. Love that!
Some days are worse than others, and it does depend on your personality AND the personality of your kiddos.
I think it’s great that you’ve posted this. Happy SITS day.
I feel exactly the same way you do. No way could I stay home full time. I wish I could spend more time with my kids than I do now, but I know that I couldn’t be with them all day every day. It just wouldn’t work for us. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with being able to admit that, and I don’t think I’m a bad mom either.
Happy SITS day!
I’m the mom of 4 and I’m also at home. I’ve been home for over 4 years now. It’s been a struggle because I never feel like my house is clean enough! However the more we leave the house the cleaner it is. I keep on telling myself that one day it will be and when it is my little ones will be all grown up. I’d hate to waste their childhood on a spotless house so they will just have to deal with toys all over the place and crumbs.
I think it is frustrating when people say that being a stay at home mom is sooooo easy. Do I think I am so blessed? yes. Do I feel lucky everday? yes. But are there days and moments where I could lock myself in a room? uh yeah hello.
My mom was just like yours, and I am betting if you asked your mom, she will tell you that her days were not all happy and rosy either, so don’t be too hard on yourself. You may be, like me, a little ADD and need a creative outlet. Good luck! I love my boys but don’t like the drudgery that comes with running a household, if that makes you feel any better!
My moms never stayed home. They always worked and were much like the moms of today. They were excellent multi-taskers and found time to keep a family schedule and a clean house:) We always had meals together and regular outside activities. They were awesome role models.
My mom was a SAHM up until I was 16yrs old and my stepdad and mom split. We had dinner as a family at the same time every night. She was a PTA room mother and went on field trips. I house was tidy, though not spotless and she did the best she could for us on the small amount of money my stepdad brought in. I love her for it!
I am a SAHM now too, but I also have a craft business. I have gone through what you are going through now. Maybe a home business is what you need. Something you can do at home to bring you some fulfillment outside your family, but still giving you the ability to stay home. Good luck!
Visiting from SITS
There were four of us and my dad was disabled, mom was a stay at home mom, and we didn’t have any money… There were lots of problems in our household, and many repressed memories for me. My shrink says I don’t have to remember them!! 🙂 I am now a sufferer of PTSD (from childhood and an assault 8 yrs. ago).
You have the childhood I dream of…. I envy you… I always made sure that MY boys had a mom that they could always talk to and a home where they are always safe and welcome.
Sounds like you had that and you are providing that for your children in your own way…. Good for you mom!!
Well I dont have happy childhood memories about my mom. She worked. Working does not make a bad mom, but drinking does.
Staying home IS NOT for everyone. I wouldnt want to work…I love being home. BUT there are times when I think about how nice it would be to come home and get that joy too.
Nothing wrong with doing what works best for our families.
Great post. My mom was a stay at home Martha Stewart type mom. I’m stay at home too but totally different. It’s hard!
Stopping by from SITS! Happy SITS day! Great blog!
Kerri
http://www.sickofmg.blogspot.com
Living your life your way is the only way to live your life! Happy SITS Day!
Great post. My mom had an incredible business that she built. It was amazing to watch her in action. And she still made us great breakfasts, and chocolate chip cookies. As an attorney, I make sure I balance..balance..balance. Which includes time that is just for me.
I am 23 and my brother 16. I just moved home after living with my fiance and being unable to find a job in the states (I am Canadian). I couldn’t stand the thought of being a stay at home mom either which is why I left Chicago (not the relationship though) but my being a SAHM is big work and takes the right kind of person to do so. This is why I have decided I couldn’t do it myself; I think I am too selfish. I don’t tohough; maybe with age that will change??
I loved this post… My mom was the same way… 2 older brothers, I’m the youngest, and she was a stay-at-home mom and my dad was a lawyer and supported all of us. Now I have a daughter, but it is very different for me. My husband is the stay-at-home parent, and I’m at work. It’s totally different from the way I was raised!!!
And I have guilt. Lots of guilt. And little control of what goes on at home. So, there’s really no win-win on this one. Do what is right for you and what makes you and your family content. The work-home balance thing does not exist, so make your own rules. No matter what, you are working your butt off.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, but this definitely hit a chord with me. I remember when the kids were younger and I’d go through that period I think we all go through when we are worried we aren’t doing everything *perfectly*, and my spouse, in a misguided attempt to cheer me up, would say, “Well, my mom did it and your mom did it, so how hard can it be?”! Which is just the wrong thing to say, since every mom has to find her own way to make it work, and it isn’t easy and intuitive all the time!
I can’t say much about my mom as she died when I was 11. How I wish I could. But I can say about my dad, a single dad, doing it all, raising a bunch of kids (I was the only girl) – I don’t think half the time he knew what to do with me.
He could delegate with the best of them. We all had to help out, do our part in order for our family to run. He was a master hard hand, boy things had to be done right. He made us think outside the box, he knew when we got to be much much older, the world would be a different place. He wouldn’t let us settle on one thing to do, but we had to have experience and drive to do many things. So no matter what we would end up on our feet somehow, some way. Dinners were the same each day week in and week out (I don’t eat pot pies or hotdogs to this day!) LOL He was such a stickler for a place for everything, everything has a place.
Because I grew up without a mom, my day was my role model, I saw him work himself to being sick, he was so stressed about the state of the house, meals etc., I’ve tended to be the opposite. I have 3 kids of my own (now teenagers and 21) and two step-daughters (teenager and 23). I used to get so stressed about the state of the house, the type of meals, the organization – well guess what!?! Didn’t work, I was fast burning out and wanting to be anywhere but here. I found my own happiness, my own way of doing things, and you know what, the kids are happier, I am happier – and we all know – if momma ain’t happy – ain’t no one gonna be happy.
I can’t be my dad, I can only be me, my way. It works.
Happy SITS Day
I don’t think my mom enjoyed staying home but I love it and it’s all I ever wanted to do. I’m lucky that I’m able to.
I think what is difficult to some and and what is easy sometimes is dictated by circumstance. I feel like in a situation where you MUST make a certain amount of money each day to survive, you get in survival mode, and something like laundry becomes to incredibly NOT an issue….in fact, you practically may do it in your sleep. That is how I grew up. My mother was a stay at home mom during my elementary years and then went back to 15 hour work days to pay our mortgage when we ( my two sisters) got to the 10, 12, 14 ages. During this time, she worked every day, and on the weekends. When I turned 14, I started working with her on the weekends to help her. Soon, I began earning my own money and to support myself (clothes, supplies, food, ect) and aside from room and board, was financially independent at 15 (by necessity) and the rest is history. When my mom (and her kids) were all working in order to eat, things like doing laundry become so incredibly not an issue. We just do them. and FAST. Dishes? do them, and FAST. Sure things might pile a minute, but you must have some things done to get on with the next day, so you practically do them in your sleep. I think during this time if we had read this blog we would have fell over is disbelief. Now being older, I of course understand this sentiment. We all arn’t born to do everything. Some things are harder for others. But I would suggest not comparing yourself to your mother. It wont help much, b/c you are two different humans in two different times. Just do the best you can with what you have, and for the things you don’t like, try and change your reality. I guess when people say things like “stay at home mom”ing is easy, some may mean, it sure as hell is easier than having to be a mom and [insert something else] simultaneously, and juggling the brutal schedules and demands from multiple modes of life..for some. For some, that comes easier than others. That’s the beauty and flaws in all of us: we are so different while dealing with some of the same struggles.
-Robin
My mom was a teacher, and had 2 children 4 years apart. She never stayed home with 4 kids and homeschooled, and neither of her kids had ADHD or Aspergers.
Despite that, she is my biggest source of support, and I am so fortunate!
happy SITS day!
I am so glad to come across this post. I feel like a bad mom at times because I also hate being a stay at home mom. {I love spending time with my DD but hate being stuck at home} I don’t cook good {getting better}, I don’t keep up on laundry {well I do it but I don’t fold it}, and I almost never do the dishes until I run out of everything.
My mother was a working mother and never did house work or dishes or anything really. I loved my mom and my childhood, but hated my living environment and I feel bad because I am almost just like my mom when it comes to housework and I don’t have an excuse not to get it done.
my mom worked. I think she was home with us when we were little then went back to work when we were in school. I don’t remember her playing with us at all. My mom was a great organizer, cleaner, cook etc. I can cook and clean and all that but I’m not keen on it. In fact, seeing a full dishwasher in the morning can drive me batty.
I thought I’d like being a SAHM too but not really. It drives me crazy. I love my kids but hate the bickering, the constant cleaning. I like to clean and then I’m done… for a month. It bothers me because so many other moms seem to really groove on being a SAHM.
Happy SITS day!
My mum wasn’t a stay at home mom, but she did work part time once we were all in grade school. Given the nature of her work, we would have nannies in the summer because she would be off doing field work and my dad still had to work full time.
I’m kind of on the fence whether or not I want to be a stay at home mom or not. Even though, I think if did become one, I would start a cake making business so that I would still have some contact with the outside grown up world. 😛
First happy SITS Day!
I might be one of the few on here who didnt love the time they spent with their mom! I was pretty much rasied my my older sisters and they were amazing, and I call them mom half the time! I love my mother. But shes not who molded me into the person I am today. But she is the reason I want to raise my kids a certain way!
My life growing up sounds similar to yours. My mom was a stay-at-home mom & I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but never had that chance except for about six months when I worked at home & I loved it, but because of divorce, I had to go back out into the working world because I wasn’t making enough working at home. So I guess I am meant to be a working mom.
I knew from day one that I was not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I work and it’s my eight hours of sanity 🙂
I love my girls with all my heart, but I don’t have the patience to play Barbie all day or interest in coming up with all three meals AND snacks every single day.
For these reasons and more, I fully respect the stay at home mom. Some people are better at it than others.
Regardless, the best moms recognize their limitations, admit their failures and celebrate their successes.
Happy SITS day!
Can I first say that I love you?! Because you described me. I feel the same way. I love my children, and I love the fact that I CAN stay home with them, but most days Im ready to bolt out the door as soon as my husband comes home (or go into the bathroom and bolt the door). And no, I havent cooked dinner yet, please make it your self.
Thats how I feel daily. I cry when I think of leaving them in childcare, but then wanna rip my hair out when thinkin of being at home everyday and STILl not getting all this crap done. My Mom was amazing at it all. Dinner, dishes, running me all over God’s country when I wanted to go somewhere. I came first. She hardly ever asked for help. My only “chore” was dishes now and again and it was always because I wanted to help never because I was forced. And My room, my responsibility. She even put away my clothes. So, I thought that I had a great example sO I would be awesome at it too. Well, not so much. Im the opposite of her. And when she comes to visit, she is still picking up my slack (not often cause she lives 6 hours away). *sigh* Im going back to school in just over a month. So the SAHM thing is nearly over. Amazing how sad that makes me.
Hmmm, things are different now than they were when your mom stayed home.
I sometimes feel like people think I’m lazy or not worth as much because I don’t have a job and JUST stay home. Like I eat bon bons all day and watch soaps. Hardly.
And it’s not like we couldn’t use the extra income either. Things are tight, but we do without some things so that I can be here for my kids every day just like your mom was with you.
As far as her making things look easy, everyone has their own way. And you’ll find yours. If you were to ask your kids the best part about having their mommy home with them I very much doubt they would say it’s the way you fold clothes and do dishes, ya know?
I can so relate to this. I am not SAHM material either. I am lucky that I get to work part-time. 4 days home and 3 days at work. Its perfect.
My mom was a SAHM and she was good at it. I know she enjoyed it. I work full time. Not because I really want to, but because I have to. And that’s okay. I really love my job.
But I wish I could do it part time and spend more time with my 2 year old daughter. In the end it’s all about balance.
Happy SITS Day!
My mom was a nurse who worked at a nursing home. My sister and I were allowed to go to work with her since my Aunt was the owner. I know my mom was so glad to be able to continue earning a paycheck while still being with us kids….but it was a less than ideal situation for me and my sister. It was ok to be around the elderly for a while, but I felt like we were forced into growing up waaay too fast. Saw a lot of naked old men who would do gross things, scary old ladies one of which had a glass eye that fell out once right in front of me. My aunt’s poodle found it right away and started chewing on it. I wasn’t even 10 years old yet, so things like that were very traumatizing for me!! Things I’ll never forget. As a mom now, I understand why my mother chose to have us with her while she worked…but I resented her for it for a very long time. 🙁 I have since forgiven her and I know that she was just trying to do the best she could!
My mom didn’t work until my brother was about 3 so I had her at home with me for about ten years. After that she continued to work until she recently went on medical disability due to repetitive job injuries. She was always a hard worker.
Congrats on your SITS day!
We had the exact opposite in childhoods. My mom and dad divorced when I was 3 so my mom had to work and I grew up as a latch key kid.
I graduated from college and swore if I ever had kids I would never stay home with them. But after 6 months of working part time and being a mom I decided I would rather stay home.
It hasn’t been easy, but it is what worked best for me.
Choosing what works best for you, makes you the best mom you can be. 🙂
Wow! Thanks for your honesty. I stay at home too and find it extremely difficult for many reasons but hard to tell people. I feel like I sound ungrateful or something. At this time in my families lives I need to be home and I’m grateful that I have that option. Happy SITS!
I think a lot of us want to be that modern version of June Cleaver, but find that it’s much harder than it looks on the silver screen. Ill make the same comment I just made on one of your other posts, what do you like to do, maybe you could do some part time work (or start up your own business). That way youd still be home with the kids, but get to fill fulfilled in other ways too. Good luck.
Oh, I am soooo there with you on the childhood thing – you just described my mom to a tee!
But me? Not so much, no matter how strongly I aspire to be like her. I like to think of myself as at least a little bit “domesticated” insofar as most of the time, I enjoy cooking and baking and stuff like that. Clarification: I *would* enjoy it if it were the only thing I had to do. But while the laundry/crumbs/yuckiness piles up, I can’t help but wonder what she had that I don’t. What kind of secret she possessed that allowed her to keep everything spotless and everyone fed and scheduled and the meals and budgets balanced.
Not to mention the fact that she was fully dressed and wore makeup every. Single. Day. That in itself is a feat I can’t seem to accomplish!
My mom worked at night for a long time. My dad was Mr Mom. But then they were able to work out of the home and it was so much better, especially since we were homeschooled. My mom did an awesome job though!
My mom worked when I was younger. But as her MS got worse that wasn’t an option anymore. I loved having her around. But I wonder how I’m going to like being a SAHM once this little one is older. I know that at this point I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My mom worked full-time and split from my dad when I was 3. So she was never home, she spent her weekends mostly with her boyfriend(who she is still with for 30 years now) and left me at my aunts house (which I hated). I worked full time up until my oldest was 10 and I had my 4 year old and so I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years, feeling lonely in AZ away from everyone I know and love in Chicgao . This is why I am afraid now for my 4 year old to go to preschool…I will be isolated even more and all alone!
Stopping by from SITS
My mom sounds a lot like yours too! But despite the “glory” of being a stay-at-home mom, it really is ok to admit you don’t like it! I have times where I can’t stand it – and other times I would rather do nothing but do it! My husband reminds me a lot that, unfortunately, it’s the most thankless job in the world — but somebody’s got to do it! 🙂 Whether you’re home or not, you’re still a mom & it’s rough – no 2 ways about it! Hang in there! Happy SITS day to you.
My mom was a stay-at-home mom. She homeschooled us for most of our schooling. She did the cooking and cleaning. She drove us to all of our activities. She took me to swim meets all over the state. Fabulous mom. She still doesn’t work outside the home, and she is always willing to help me out with my little one when I need it.
I’m a stay-at-home mom now, too. Things look a lot different for me. I’m limited in numerous ways, but I still love being a mom to my little boy and my little girl on the way. I’ll never be able to do all that my mom did, but I do the best I can.
I often feel like I don’t measure up to my Mom. Then again, she tells me all the time that she doesn’t know how I do it (I had 3 kids under 2). I have to work, my Mom stayed at home. She had 4 of her own children, plus my half sister, whom she took in as her own. Our meals were always home cooked. We very rarely ate out, only on special occasions. While my Dad made good money, my Mom stayed on a strict budget, only buying things that were on sale, much to my Father’s chagrin. I had an immensely happy childhood. It came as a shattering suprise to not only my Mother, but to all of us kids as well, when my Dad walked out after 28 years of marriage. My Mom never cursed and never drank. She made sure we all went to Church on Sudays and sang in the choir. Now, at 57 years old, she has youngsters in the house again. This time, they are grandbabies and younger Step children (early teens). Three of my step siblings live at home with her and my stepDad, one has a young son. She still amazes me everyday. I love my Mom.
My mom sounds a LOT like your mom. She is a pretty good mom role model to her 3 kids. My own two girls wear me out. 😉
Happy SITS Day!
I loved this post! You are honest and willing to share your feelings. This is definitely the side of being a stay at home mom others need to hear about.
We can all relate, it’s part of what makes us human. We fail, fall down, but get back up and try again.
Nice to meet you! Here by way of SITS!!!
Happy SITS day. My mom and your mom sound like two peas in a pod.
Both my parents worked and I work. I stayed home for about 3 months when I was laid off before and I got so bored. But I only have 1 child and was in elementary school, my house was clean so all I did was shop and eat and everyone I knew was working. But to each his own.
Wow, what an interesting post. My mom was mix of both. I can remember times when she stayed at home and times when she worked. I don’ t think any of those times felt like bad times. I am sure you are doing well enough to keep your children alive. We all are. That is all that matters.
I am like your mom! It just flows naturally from me and is the only career I ever wanted!
I love this post…you are so truthful! I fell the same way sometimes…I do love staying at home (although I still have to work from home). But it’s soooo hard sometimes and I enjoy getting out of the house and having other people rely on me doing my job, etc. My mom was a single working mother for a while, then got re-married but always worked & it was fine. But she always came home from work and cooked a home cooked meal and busted her butt to make sure we were well taken care of. I think all of us mothers need to support each other, no matter what our work/home decision is. Every family is different. So I love you post, Amen SITSta, tee hee.
Jamie 🙂
I aspire to be just like your mama! But I also understand where you are coming from too!
I’m glad you are able to cut yourself some well-deserved slack. It actually sounds like you are a terrific mom. Keep on just as you are!
I can SO relate! Although I wouldn’t say I hate being a SAHM, I don’t always love it. I get restless, lonely, etc. I guess I still need to have my brain stimulated in other ways is what I mean, lol. I can’t just be home all the time cooking, cleaning, and being a general maid without some kind of reward! 🙂
Coming from SITS! 🙂 Hope you can stop by my blog at kindredspiritreviews.blogspot.com – I wrote a similar post not long ago.
Oh, you should never feel like a bad Mom just because you’re behind in household chores. I don’t have children and can’t seem to keep up. What matter is that you are loved and you love them. Your laundry being all clean and put away is not what makes your home a home. It’s the love between all of you. That’s what really matters.
Wow! I love your posts! My mom worked as a teacher, she was actually my Kindergarten and 2nd grade teacher. As a teacher she had a pretty good schedule and was able to be at home with my brother and I during the summers and in the late afternoons. There were alot of things that she didn’t know how to do. So I didn’t learn too many of the domestic things from her. But she was a great mom and even though her house wasn’t clean and the food wasn’t amazing, we know we were loved!
I love my mom very much but she is one of those moms who is proud to bluntly speak her mind and dish out the criticism as she sees fit, as she puts it, “I’m not going to be two-faced about anything”. But on the other hand, she can’t handle even the slightest criticism of herself. She takes everything extremely personal and gets down right butt hurt over anything less than a compliment. It drives me crazy, if you’re gonna dish it out, learn how to take it.
My Mom was also a stay at home mom until my parents divorced and she puts me to shame. She always had dinner on the table. The laundry was always done. The house always cleaned. Me…not so much. Ah ha
I’m the Mom of none, but love my Nieces and Nephews and watching Mommies like you do the most difficult and important job there is. When my Mother raised us, the world was very different and parenting was like riding a wing and a prayer. How’d she do it? All good Moms are amazing, salute. Keri
My mom worked. She did it all, but seemed to hate it.
I sort of do it and emulate her in some fashion, but sort of like it.
My mom didn’t have the option but I’m happy for moms who do have a choice. Ultimately I’m a believer that moms should pursue their passions in life. Happy moms make happy kids.
I turned out pretty good. 🙂
Live Your Dreams,
Jill Koenig
My mom is a hard-working woman. She worked throughout my whole childhood, as did my dad. My father is an over-the-road trucker and would be gone for three to four weeks at a time. My mom was a typical blue collar worker — overworked, and underpaid. I remember her working seven days a week most of the time. She raised two kids basically on her own (due to dad being on the road most of the time), and although our house wasn’t always clean… we were fed, clothed, and had a bed to sleep in every night. The bad part of all this? I don’t remember too much mommy-daughter time as a youngster. I was never taught how to bake cookies, garden, can tomatoes, etc. The lack of domestic teaching shows in my life now. I’ve turned into my mother, and I’m not sure if I should be embracing the fact that I’m an independent, hard-working woman, or depressed that I’m a less-than-perfect mother. I feel that when I succeed in some things (like my job), I fail miserably in others (parenthood). I love my daughter more than anything, but weekdays just can’t come soon enough around here — time to return to work!
What’s worse? My sister-in-law seems to have it all on the ball. Three kids (and adopting two more), spotless house, three home-cooked meals a day, and a picture perfect family to say the least. She just picked up a part time job too. It eats me up inside that she seems to be doing it all and I can’t even manage to do my dishes at night. Is she really that perfect, or is that what she wants everyone to believe? Time for Zoloft? Perhaps.
good post
]competitive intelligence
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!