I have to write a “Letter of impact” regarding my father’s sudden and tragic death. This is to be read in court this Friday, December 9th. I have procrastinated as long as I possibly could so I thought I’d just write it as a blog post, I know how to write one of those! So here goes….
My Dad taught me a lot of things: He taught me how to ice skate and he taught me how to fish, but I always made him put the worm on the hook. He taught me how to change my oil, he played catch with me and came to all my softball games. He even let me bring all my girlfriends up to our cabin in the summer and he took us tubing behind his boat, he made us campfires, and always made us breakfast in the morning. He helped my volleyball team make our parade float and he drove the truck in the parade. He loved Bloody Mary’s and I love them too.
He taught me to be a really good person and work hard, really hard. Don’t do it if your not going to do a good job. I’ve even shoveled snow off the roof of our cabin with him (what?). He walked me down the aisle when I got married and we danced to the FleetWood Mac song Landslide. My kids went fishing for the first time on Grandpa’s boat, and now they will never get to go fishing on Grandpas boat again.
When my Dad road his motorcycle from Minnesota to California and stayed with us for a week he taught my daughter some new card games. I just cannot bring myself to play those card games with her when she asks. I pass by the bed where my Dad slept for a week and I think of him, daily. I see a Route 66 sign and I think of him, a motorcycle passes me on the road and I think of him. I see the Harley Davidson Logo and I think of him. If anyone even says the state “Oklahoma” it takes my breath away.
It is a punch in the gut whenever any of these things happen.
I consider myself a very tough person and this has literally rocked my world. A piece of my heart is gone forever and it hurts. I understand and can even accept death. I can handle it, it’s life. It happens. But what haunts me is holding his hand, watching, listening and seeing him die right in front of me. This is something I will never get over and something I can’t handle. Has my Dad’s tragic death affected me, YES. Has it changed me, NO.
My Dad lived life to the fullest and literally that is exactly how someone described me the other day. He knew how to have a good time, worked hard and enjoyed his life. I will continue to live my life the same. I have taken on a new appreciation for the warmth of the sun, the wind in my face and the clouds in the sky, because I know that’s how he is still with me.
To the person who hit my father, I hope you can one day forgive yourself, because I forgive you.
Comments
I’m so proud of you and so sad for you, all at the same time. Hugs.
Andrea, I have tears in my eyes. What a beautiful tribute toe to your father. Although I never met him, I know he was an incredibly man, because he raised you and you are an incredible human being.
Sending you lots of hugs and love! xo
YOU SAID IT ALL!!!! IM SO SORRY ANDREA, BRENT AND CHRISTOPHER FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR DAD. I TRULY BELIEVE HE IS WATCHING OVER YOU….
This is so beautiful. You are full of grace. Honored to read this.
That was beautiful, Andrea. What a heartfelt post to have written. I’m sure he’s smiling somewhere, knowing all that he taught you and how you have grown to enjoy life the way he would have wanted.
With tears in my eyes, I send you a big hug for writing this post, sharing your fabulous dads memory, and doing what you do best: putting your thoughts into words and impacting lives. I love you Savvy! xoxo R
Sending so much love.
Ann said it just right- You are full of grace.
Sending you a huge hug. Truly inspired by your grace, and your beautiful words.
oh my. I am so sorry. This is beautiful.
What a beautiful tribute to your dad! We lost my sil in a car accident several years ago and I know how hard it is to forgive the person who caused the accident. Truthfully, there are still some days I struggle with that. As hard as it must be, it’s wonderful that you had a week with your dad before he died. once the sting lessens, that will be a great memory.
What a tough letter to be forced to write – I understand why it took so long. You were blessed to have such a wonderful father… he will live on through you. I am SO sorry for your loss.
Tears my friend. I am so sorry. You have such amazing grace..and your dad’s smile. xoxo
I am so sorry for your loss. Your letter is beautiful.
Andrea
I am with tears streaming… I have lost both my parents – neither suddenly – but I so understand the loss – it is deep and it is always present … sometimes anticipated and often triggered by unexpected things. My mother died in 1989 and I still have those things that are too painful to do like play those card games. I am so sorry for your loss. Your letter is beautiful – I am sure your Dad is smiling:)
Pretty sure you are one of the strongest people I know. The letter is heartfelt and perfect. He’d love it. Hugs.
Andrea – this is so incredibly beautiful and impactful. I am so glad you shared it with all of us.
xo,
Sarah
What a beautiful tribute to your Dad, there will not be a dry eye in that courtroom. You are such a strong and amazing woman and I know your Dad is so proud of you. The last sentence is the most powerful sentence ever written. Love you!
I’ve always thought you were one amazingly, strong woman. I was right. Sending hugs.
Andrea,
You couldn’t have written that any better. It is my belief that those who leave us are constantly sitting just a step behind watching over us. There is no doubt in my mind that your father is right behind you. Simply beautiful!
a strong woman is one who gets her heart broken time and time again and still has the strength to gather the pieces to create a new life for herself. Remember that no matter what pain you’ve been through, tears will dry, broken hearts will heal, and somewhere out there the person who truly cares is waiting. you’re a woman and you are strong.
Thank you for the beautiful reminder to appreciate our loved ones and the beauty of the world every single day. It is easy to forget with all of our worries and to-do lists. What a lovely tribute to your dad.
Andrea, this is one of the most beautiful tributes I have ever read. Truly. When you shared the story of your dad’s injury and death, I followed it more closely than most things I see online, not just because I knew you, but because I could feel your love for and connection with him emanating from every word.
I hope you find peace in this process. I am so happy for you for having had a father who was so wonderfully present in your life, and so sad that you had to witness him passing in such a difficult way. I wish you everything good.
Blessings to you and your family, Andrea. This is so beautiful and powerful. You’ve honored your father with what you wrote and you honor him every day by just being you.
It’s so sad and I am so, so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful post and it makes me sad and happy at the same time remembering my Dad and everything he taught me, too. Coincidentally – he also taught me how to change the oil in my car! Sending hugs!
Your father would be so proud of you. My heart literally aches for you as you know I lost my father this year too. Hugs and love Andrea…
I am so sorry for your loss, Andrea. Your beautiful words are such a tribute to your father.
Oh my friend – it hurts my heart that you had to write this… how beautifully said. Your dad raised an amazing girl – he would be so proud that you are able to forgive with such grace. I held my breath as I read…. Sending you all kinds of love….
A beautiful and sentimental tribute to your incredible dad. He’d be touched and proud of you. I’ve written about my mom’s death…very hard to do, but worth it.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are very strong to share your thoughts and pain and even stronger to find forgiveness so soon. I lost my dad ten years ago and while it still feels raw, it does get easier to deal with. Time doesn’t heal wounds but it does make them more bearable.
After reading this I feel I know your dad a little bit, too. Thank you for this early Christmas present. He is surely grinning up there, above those clouds in the sky, super proud of you.
SO sorry to hear about your tragic loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Andrea I loved reading about your dad. He sounds like such an amazing man, dad, and grandfather. I know he is greatly missed by you and many others. Sending you lots of love and hoping that time helps ease the pain. I know this was tough as hell to write. 🙁
Wonderfully written Andrea. I know the holidays will be rough. You are in my thoughts. He would be so proud of you, your family and all you have accomplished.
Pingback: The Motorcycles have stopped. | Savvy Sassy Moms